At 58kmph, City of Bangalore finds its first ever Speeding Car

Anil Kumble, a Senior Software Engineer at Binfosys technologies unknowingly did what the biggest name in the formula one circuit could ever do. He drove his second hand Maruti 800 at a speed of 58kmph becoming the first and the only four-wheeler in the history of Bangalore city to cross the speed limit of 50 kmph. With this Anil breaks the previous record of 49kmph held by another Software engineer Salman Khan.

“When we saw the vehicle crossing the 50 kmph mark, we could not believe our eyes. Instead of catching hold of the guy for breaking the speed limit, our natural reaction was to salute the lad for attaining the unattainable.” Said the traffic police constable on duty, Sushil Shinde.

Sources have told Unrealtimes that Kumble had to rush to office to settle a major client escalation. He was told that he had to reach office and resolve the issue before his manager could type his termination letter. This made him to drive at the record breaking speed.

Vijay Mallaya owner of the Force India formula was quick to react to the happening and he declared that the boy had the potential to stop Sebastian Vettel’s winning streak at the formula one circuit. He went ahead and asked him to lead the Force India team. However Kumble politely declined the offer and decided to continue with Binfosys siting high job security as the primary reasons.

Reporters had gathered around Binfosys office just to get a small interview of the IT engineer. However until the last reports came, Kumble was stuck in traffic resolving a bug and was not allowed to take tea-coffee breaks by his reporting manager until the bug was fixed.

With Godman Asaram getting arrested, Rahul Gandhi to give pravachans on his Behalf

Rahul Gandhi Delivering a speech 

either to industrialists or to Tantriks

Self-Proclaimed FraudGodman, Asaram who has been taken into police custody would soon be replaced by the Godman of the Indian National Congress, Rahul Gandhi. Both Rahul and Asaram have been known for speaking absolute Gaseous speeches and yet have been taken seriously by their sycophantic followers thus making both very much alike.

“ All this while, the nation had been calling Sri Rahul Gandhi as Rahul BABA for a reason, And now we know what the reason was. Sri Rahul BABA belongs to ItalyIndia’s royal family which in itself proves that he is a Godman. ” Spoke a Voodo doll by name Digvijay who is possessed by some Italian spirit named Sofia.

Close aids of Asaram told that, it was a tough task to find a person with influence who could preach all sorts of baseless and gaseous theories with utmost confidence. But when they heard Rahul speak on NDTV, where an old recording of his speech delivered at CII was being played, they knew that they had got the right person for the job.

“ It’s not only his immense capacity to produce highly gaseous speeches that makes Rahul perfect for the job, but we are hopeful that his close relations might help us get some free land which can help us establish our Ashram’s all across the nation.” Said a blind-follower of Asaram Bapu who had till know broken 12 jaws, 69 teeth and 72 cameras of media persons from various news channels.

Like his great Grandfather, Rahul Gandhi is also famous among kids. While the former was known as Chacha-Nehru Rahul is known as ‘Pappu’ for his funny speeches and inadvertent witty statements. But with his new achievement, Pappu might transform to Bapu.

Highly placed sources of Unrealtimes have got hold of an excerpt (given below) of one of Rahul Gandhi’s future speech, which we are still not sure would be delivered as pravachan to priests and tantriks or to a gathering of Economists and Industrialists.

“ Who am I to give the food security bill, it is God who is giving it to you. I am just the medium. Now since it is God who is doing it all, it is His responsibility to save the economy which would sink further coz of the bill. ….”

“ If Pakistan and China are invading our country our soldiers should call them brother. This would create harmony and help reduce violence and tension at the border….”

“ Scam is just a state of Mind. When the system is so fraud every scam is an opportunity given by God, today was his turn and tomorrow it could be yours….”

Due to heavy ‘Chai-Pani’ cost for Z+ security, Mukesh Ambani might no more remain India’s richest Man

Forbes India today declared its future prediction for year 2014 and predicted that Mukesh Ambani might not feature in their top-five list of richest Indians. This would be due to the heavy ‘chai-pani’ cost which Mukesh would incur because of the Z+ security he would get due to the threats he received from Indian mujahideen.

“’Chai-Pani’ or some call it service tax are very important in India and at times it goes as high as 1000% of the actual cost. The one who is able to reduce this cost always gets an upper hand over its competition. Since Mukesh would now on be under constant surveillance of cops, he would end up paying so much amount of Chai-Pani tax that he might slip some 4 spots in our richest person ranking for next year.”, said a spokesperson of the Forbes group.

As per a study done by few Management students from IIM Amethi, Mukesh Ambani might lose up to 10 billion in one year itself and could be neck and neck with his brother Anil if the z+ security remains. “We took a sample of 10 people and asked them to do critical business transaction in front of cops. We realized that the cops unknowingly passed on information to various other govt. departments such as income tax, CBI etc. This increased the ‘chai-pani’ cost to such an extent that the amount paid to the cops was only 10% of the total amount paid which was 500% of the transaction amount. Similar thing would happen for Mukesh Ambani which would make him lose Billions.” Said a student named Rauf Gandhi of the institute.

A highly placed source within the CBI revealed that the call made to Mukesh could be a part of a high level plan made by some business rival of Mukesh so as to get him under the scanner of the government. Few reporters of a TIMES-LOUD tried to get Anil Ambani’s view on the story, but they could not do so as his Reliance India phone was not reachable due to network issues.

However it not all gloom for Mukesh, as there are rumors that instead of taking Z+ security protection, Mukesh might buy the entire CRPF. The newly formed force would still have the acronym CRPF, but the new name of it would be, Central Reliance Police Force.

IPL to give ‘Katju of the series’ award to the most lenient umpire of the tournament

IPL authorities today announced a new award, namely “Katju of the series” which would be given to the most merciful umpire at the end of the tournament. The award is named after the legendry judge of Supreme court justice Katju, who wrote the famous letter to the five Pandav brothers of Mahabharat to pardon Duryodhana and Dushasana for what they did to Pandavas. The move has been lauded by fast bowlers and slow running batsman who might now get more benefit of doubt from the umpire.

“The new award would give incentive to the umpires to go out of way and be more merciful. This would also make the game much more exciting and unpredictable. Also since 90% Indians are fools and 10% are intelligent, we should have a sport which should suit the majority.” Said IPL boss Rajeev Shukla. However a highly placed source within BCCI told that the award is announced to cover up for poor decision making in IPL matches by the umpires. When asked about it, IPL officials refused to comment.

The move has been welcomed by a section of players who are desperate for more leniencies in umpiring and is led by RCB pace bowler R.P.Singh. Member of Parliament from Amritsar Navjot Singh Sidhu said, “My dear friend, the one good thing about luck is that it will change one day. And this move would help move the luck in the hands of the one who holds mercy in his heart.” When asked to describe the logic behind the statement, Sidhu started speaking Punjabi and post that began to laugh for next five minutes.

Management students from IIM Wasseypur who are doing internship under Australian coach Mike Arthur tried to find out the high level implication of the award. After doing a rigorous data analysis using all sort of statistical tools and applying various Management frameworks they concluded in a 200 slider presentation that the award would benefit both batsman and bowler equally.

 “Men are foolish to give power to other men to be merciful. For it is He, the one above who can only provide guidance and mercy to mankind.” Said a priest of a temple dedicated to the mythological God of cricket named Lord Ravindra Jadeja. 

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Edited version of the article was also Published by the Unrealtimes