Impressed by system Loopholes, Italian Marines back in India to Join Politics

The two Italian marines accused of killing two fishermen off Kerala arrived in New Delhi with a new promise for the nation. The duo liked the country so much that they are not only willing to take Indian Citizenship, but are also planning to join mainstream politics. The news has already caused turbulence in the political arena and has left political parties confused as to if they should welcome their move or out rightly oppose it.

“This trial has been marked by many controversies, U-turns, walk-ins and walkouts. This shows that the political DNA of these marines is very similar to ours. Also we have been supporting UPA whose chairperson is of Italian origin which also shows our Italian connects. So I would like to invite these marines to join samajwadi party.” Said the former chief Minister of UP Mulayam Singh Yadav. When asked about the murder charges levied on them, he said that if the marines are proven guilty in court then we would ask them to step down like we asked Raja bhaiya.

While all this was happening, our international fame reporter, ‘Chitrakar patrakar (CP)’ got the opportunity to interview these two gentlemen and tried to know what their political agenda is.

CP: Why MBA Politics?

<Both look at each other and laugh>

Marines: Money, fame and power. What kind of stupid question was that?

CP: Ehh, alright. So which political party are you planning to join?

Marines: Well, we plan to launch our party.

CP: Your own party!! But you don’t have any political background…

Marines: Big deal! We just need to find a minority community, make them feel insecure and then be their messiah and India has no dearth of minority communities. Besides, it’s more of a personal choice, we feel it is more fun in being the King maker than the king. We Italians have a history of playing the king makers role.

CP: But India has no dearth of such political parties too, how will you survive.

Marines: We have been practicing U-turns, walk-ins, walk-outs, have gone to jail, courts, faced media what else do you need to master the game.

CP: What about the perils of CBI?

Marines: Well, we can pay service charges like we paid for VVIP choppers.

CP: Cool sir, have you thought of party symbol.

Marines: Yep, a Bofors Gun.

CP shakes hands with them, says a small prayer for India and leaves the room. 

Who stole Santa and Banta from us

Sonia Gandhi gifts Google Glasses to Karunanidhi to win back support

The stand-off between the DMK and UPA may end amicably in the wake of UPA chairperson, Smt Sonia Gandhi, gifting the DMK patriarch, Thiru Mu Karunanidhi, a special set of Google Glasses. This special state gift has been given to him as a bait symbol of friendship and trust. Karunanidhi who is the chairperson of the DMK party which has always been considered as costliest closest ally of the Congress party until recently, when it withdrew support from the coalition government. The glasses have been specially customized to suit the Kalaignar’s chromatic needs, in addition to the usual array of features.

Karunanidhi’s eyes welled up with tears as he unboxed the Google glasses. “I am touched by Soniaji’s gesture,” he gasped. “These glasses will give the required vision to serve my party and my state and open a new chapter of friendship between the Congress and DMK,” he waxed eloquent.

•  His total years in politics

• Highest position held

• Total Bank balance

• His relationship with CBI

•   Any onsite Jail Experience

•  Horse trading Aptitude

•  Scaming Abilities

Reports have also come in that these glasses have some special features which have been designed only for Karunanidhi. A spokesperson from Google explains “Besides having all those redundant features by which we entice our customer, this piece has a special ‘Minister scanning feature’. This feature has been designed for sir Karunanidhi keeping in mind the upcoming 2014 elections. So while wearing these glasses if you look at some minister and say ‘Scan Minister’, these glasses would populate the screen with key information of that minister. To name a few

It would also give an overall score of that minister thus would help in understanding if he can be purchased partnered for forth coming elections. I would say these glasses are a must have for all the cabinet ministers, especially those belonging to regional parties. “

There is an atmosphere of jubilation in the congress party after Karunanidhi accepted the gift and gave all kind of positive hints of a return to the coalition. “We did it without a single phone call to the CBI. This shows that our alliances have full faith in Soniaji’s leadership. “, said an elated Kamal Nath.

However their happiness vanished when DMK announced a new set of demands, one of which is to recite the following tongue-twister repeatedly for five minutes: Kanimozhi knows Azhagiri and Alamozhi knows Kanigiri

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The article was published by the Unrealtimes
Link : DMK

Microsoft files law-suit against Australian Cricket Board for using pirated MS Office PowerPoint

Australian cricket has been hit by a double whammy of calamities this week. As though the prospect of an imminent 4-0 whitewash at the hands of India isn’t bad enough, the cricket team has been slapped with a $10 million law suit by Microsoft Corporation for using pirated version of MS Office for making PowerPoint presentations in the run-up to the Mohali Test. The law suit charges the board for infringement of intellectual property rights and can attract a two year imprisonment sentence if the amount is not paid. Indeed, as Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, Act 4, Scene 5,

 “When sorrows come, they come not in single spies

But in Battalions.”

Confirming the news, Australian skipper, Michael Clarke, said, “I was giving a presentation to Sir Jadeja Arthur on his laptop after we lost the third Test when a mail popped in from Microsoft Corp, informing Mickey that the MS Office installed on our laptops was pirated and we would have to cough up 10 million Australian dollars by way of compensation.”

The Aussie cricketers have blamed their Indian counterparts for leading them astray, charging that it was Dhoni who guided them to a torrent link when Coach Arthur asked them to make those infamous PowerPoint presentations.

“I asked Dhoni if he could help me download the MS Office 2010 trial version from the net,” disclosed Australia’s answer to Sir Jadeja, Steven Smith. “Instead he guided me to torrentz.com and downloaded the full version of MS-Office. He promised that everyone in his team does the same thing and it’s not a crime in India. This is racist because when Indians do it it’s fair and when Australians do it, we get sued.”

When The Unreal Times asked for clarification, a spokesperson for Microsoft said, “Well, it’s perfectly fine if Indians download our software using torrents coz some day they might be developing and maintaining them for us. In fact we recently received CVs of two former Indian openers for an opening in our company.”

The Australian Cricket Board (ACB) now faces bankruptcy if Microsoft wins the law-suit. However, it’s not all gloom and doom for the cash strapped cricket body. Leveraging the recently acquired slide making skills of his wards, Coach Mickey Arthur has agreed to float a tier I management consulting arm, Mickey & Co, which could potentially make ACB the world’s richest cricket board, dwarfing even the BCCI.

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The Article was published by the Unreal times, Below is the link:

 Australian Board Sued