DoT accidently ban Times of India along with 857 Porn sites.

In its crackdown on websites that host or provide links to pornographic content, the Indian government has failed to separate the wheat from the chaff. Among the 857 blocked websites, India’s largest Entertainment website, the Times of India’s name is also there, which doesn’t even offer pornographic material.

“I really don’t get how the Govt can dub us as pornographic website when we offer pure entertainment to our audience.” Said Rajdeep Dutt a senior Editor at the TOI, he added “I mean just check our links like ‘Hottest bikini Trend’, ‘celebs who went nude for magazine cover’, ‘Five things women want before sex’, these are entertainment items sold as news and not nudity sold as entertainment. Who will explain all this high class stuff to these classless swadeshi jingoist?”

The news had a very strong and detrimental impact on the psyche of the single community at large. Rohit Mishra a third year B.Tech student of who was yet to recover from the ban on Maggi went numb when he heard the news of 857 porn sites getting blocked. While he somehow managed to recover from the shock, the news of even the Times of India getting blocked sent him to a state of coma.

“The advent of online porn had made our hard disk redundant so we stopped storing porn on our systems altogether. But this sudden ban on porn sites along with the Times of India has left us unprepared for the worst. We want a recall on the ban for at least a month, so that we can download and store porn, thus build our inventory till the time we get married.” Said a Rahul Baba, president of the Single Samaj Party (SSP) while he was buying a removable hard disk for 128 Tera byte for storing porn.

In other related news, it’s not just the news sites that have been affected by the ban, but even the news makers might get affected by it. DoT has said that the next crack down could be on Television channels who show nudity in the name of news and entertainment. This might mean that even LOk Sabha and Rajya Sabha TV might get banned, for showing MPs watching porn on their mobiles during assembly sessions.

MCD workers in Delhi find copy of Jan Lokpal Bill while cleaning up Garbage Piles.

MCD workers who have ended their strike and agreed to clean up the garbage piles from the streets of Delhi have found some key documents in the same garbage pile which includes original copy of the Jan Lokpal bill drafted by Anna Hazare. They have also found several copies of election Manifestos of major political parties for state and central elections which were getting eaten by rats and pigs.

“When we saw the Anna’s hand written copy of the Lokapal Bill, we were shocked. We took the copy to BJP and AAP members, who were then busy getting selfies clicked with the tallest garbage lump.” Said a sweeper there as he wiped sweat from his forehead, “As soon as they saw the copy they began laughing in unison and then tore apart the copy and threw it back in the garbage pile.”

It’s not just the original lokpal bill which has been found in the pile, below mentioned documents were also there which were thrown back into the pile after showing it to the concerned department:

• ·         Presumed burnt Files of Salman Hit and Run case
• ·         Missing Coal Scam files
• ·         An election speech promising 15 lakh to every citizen from black money recovered
• ·         Draft copy of Uniform Civil code
• ·         A carton full of ‘ Election that changed India’ by Rajdeep Sardesai which also had 2 empty bottles of old Monk

Sources have told that after finding these documents the site has been taken over by Police and is busy cleaning the debris of these important document and simultaneously destroying them.

It’s not just documents that have been found in the garbage, two statues of former Delhi law ministers, Jitendar Singh Tomar and Somnath Bharti have also been found in the debris. While one was thrown back into debris, the other was carried back to the AAP office and has been kept in their ‘What to do’ chamber.

Finally the MCD worker also found a half charred BJP letterhead which had a hand drawn image of L.K.Advani with title ‘The Perennial Chairperson of the Marg Darshak Mandali’.

Salman Khan set free in hit and Run case after Gujjar like reservation agitation by angry fans.

Following the precedence set by the Rajasthan government in Gujjar agitation case, Maharashtra high court has agreed to set Salman Khan free in 2002 hit and run case. This happened after Salman’s fan took law in their hand and choked railway tracks across the nation with demand of setting bhai free of all charges in the case.

To this one of the high court judge said “The supporters of ‘bhai’ are not just bhai-like Dabangg but are much more in number than the Gujjars involved in the reservation agitation. This clearly meant that there would be much more damage to property. Thus for the larger good of the nation we should set bhai free.”

Twitter Vigilantes termed the judgment as undemocratic and unconstitutional, to which one of the High court judge commented “Bhai would have any which way got free yaar. If not in the court, then by some creative bill passed by the government. I don’t understand the fuss”

Meanwhile there is huge queue at various railway tracks of protestors who want speedy-justice/ exam reservation/ Bapuji’s release/Gauhar and Kushal patch up and even free water and electricity. In fact there are threats of protest against governments’ ability to manage these protest as the protestors want a protest committee to be set up in this regard to come up with fair protesting procedures.

In an initial step to counter the damage these agitations have caused, the government might consider Twitter and Facebook hashtag agitation as a legitimate protest method, equivalent to blocking railway tracks and vehicle arson. However the government retracted from its decision after arnab’s #MobstitutevsPresstitute and #VVIPRacism was a trending at the top.

Meanwhile news of panic among protestors has come in after rumors came that Salman was spotted with a bottle of wine, riding a railway engine whose doors were not opening properly.

Nation Stunned as Custom seizes 5000 KG of smuggled Maggi at Delhi Airport.

In a major blow to Modi the Swadesi roots of the nation, the custom officials at Delhi airport seized a large shipment of Maggi noodles at Delhi airport. The packets of Maggi were hidden under cartons of harmless products like Cigarettes, Cigars, Whisky and Rum and were planned to be surreptitiously supplied to various engineering colleges of India including IITs and NITs.

“This is just the beginning sirji. Previously we used to smuggle pirated CDs, fake currencies, and AK 47 from Pakistan, but now the demand has changed to maggi. This ban on maggi will give birth to a new era of smuggling as several Dawood, Verrappan and haji Mastans would get developed to smuggle this yummy poison.” Said an out of job smuggler who was wearing red colored eye patch which was in the shape of the maggi logo.

It is to be noted that since the day Maggi has been banned in several parts of the nation, a packet of Maggi has become a prized possession and is secretly sold in black markets at a value as high as two thousand rupees. Several raids have been conducted at various paan/tobacco shops who instead of selling bidi, ghutka, weed and hash are secretly indulging in the highly criminal practice of selling Maggi.

Raids have even also been conducted at street food shops in front of offices who in the name of selling highly hygienic road side pani-poori, chole kulche and Kauva Biryani are secretly selling smuggled maggi.

There are rumors that a secret variety of ‘Blue-maggi’ has been developed by a new noodle lord by name ‘Walter-White’ aka “Heisenberg’ which is beating all forms of street food available in the market. This form of maggi is so irresistible and harmful that government has declared possession of this form of maggi not just a non-bail able offence but also a non-bribable offence.

While the government has banned maggi in all forms, few right wing activist are working hard to allow maggi as fodder for cows and buffalos. These supporters believe that while cows can sustain the amount of lead in maggi but the beef made by killing these cows would possess lead higher than permissible limit. This way there could be a nationwide ban of beef, and their dream of beef-mukt bharat could be realized.